Boxing Day Text Exchange (Team Necromancer)

Boxing Day Text Exchange

Frank: The gnomes want to celebrate Boxing Day.

Sam: I’m tempted to tell you to lose my number, but I’m afraid of what would happen if you did.

Ramon: Did you tell them that it’s not what they think it is?

Ramon: Because when I think of the words “Boxing Day” and “gnomes,” I picture boxing gnomes, and I know they’re thinking the same thing.

Sam: Wait, how did they even hear about boxing day? It’s not a US holiday.

Frank: They saw it on the calendar. I’m worried that someone is going to lose an eye.

Ramon: Is anyone else surprised that the gnomes can read?

Sam: When it comes to the gnomes, nothing surprises me.

Frank: I did try to explain, but it turns out, I don’t really know what Boxing Day is, either.

Ramon: I’ll talk to them.

Sam: Good luck. You’re going to need it.

*An hour later*

Ramon: I made it worse.

Frank: How could you possibly have made it worse? Last I saw they were putting on tiny boxing gloves and singing the song from Rocky.

Sam: One thing you can always count on with the gnomes—they will always escalate.

Sam: What did you do?

Ramon: I tried to explain that it used to be a day off for servants, where their employers would give them gifts—like hand-me-downs of fancy clothes—which Gnome Chompsky said was a trickle-down economic system and those never work.

Sam: …okay.

Ramon: Then I told them that now Boxing Day is mostly a big shopping day.

Sam: Which they interpreted as looting and pillaging, right?

Ramon: Right.

Sam: So now they love Boxing Day, right? You got them to double down.

Frank: That would explain why they’re digging through Sam’s closet, yelling about getting their due.

Sam: Look, if my Yoshi t-shirt brings them joy, they’re welcome to it.

Frank: A fight broke out over it.

Ramon: So now they’re boxing AND looting. The system works!

Frank: They knocked over a lamp. There’s glass everywhere.

Sam: Was that the crash I heard?

Frank: Yes, that was the crash.

Ramon: Wait, you’re home? Why aren’t you dealing with this?

Sam: Yes, I’m home, because you volunteered, and I was trying to take a relaxing bubble bath. I dumped in a bunch of my mom’s calming aromatherapy bath oil and lit a bunch of candles.

Ramon: How’s that working out for you?

Sam: Since I’m texting with you, I think we can all agree that it’s a big fail.

Ramon: You should have turned it to the “do not disturb” setting.

Sam: I should put this entire house on a “do not disturb” setting.

Frank: Are you stressed? Why are you stressed?

Sam: I’d like you to read back through our text exchange, or as I like to call it, “exhibit Y.”

Ramon: Now I want to know what the other exhibits were.

Frank: I hate to bring it up, but we’d better clean up the lamp before James gets home.

Ramon: I can’t wait to do this every year. The fighting! The stealing of the clothing! The traditional breaking of the lamp!

Sam: You’re just saying that because it’s not your lamp.

Ramon: What can I say? I’m a sucker for festivity, and a believer in the redistribution of wealth, Sammy. Not my fault that you’re The Man in this situation.

Sam: Frank, let this be a lesson—from now on, text James. We only make problems worse.

Frank: Got it!

Frank: You didn’t like that vase in the hall, did you? The fight has sort of spilled out of your room.

Sam: *face palm emoji*

Ramon: Merry Boxing Day to all, and to all a good fight!

Sam: You just couldn’t help yourself, could you?

Ramon: I could not.

Sam: Exhibit Z.