Ava Winter Text Exchange

I wrote this for my Patreon page last week (they get first crack at these fun things) but now I’m sharing it with the rest of you! Enjoy a text message exchange between Ava and Ezra of Firebug and Pyromantic!

Ava Winter Text Exchange

Ava: What did you get Lock?

Ezra: You still haven’t picked out a gift for him?

Ava: He’s impossible to buy for! He doesn’t want anything or need anything, and he’s happy with “it’s the thought that counts.”

Ezra: What a jerk.

Ava: I know! It’s so frustrating.  He gets back from his mom’s tomorrow. Tomorrow! You bringing drinks? I know you don’t cook.

Ezra: I can cook. I just prefer others to do it for me. There’s a difference.

Ava: I don’t want to argue semantics. I just want to know what you’re bringing.

Ezra: I’m bringing cider for the kids and mulled wine for the grown ups.

Ava: You realize you’re not a grown up, right?

Ezra: I am all man, my little dumpling.

Ava: Be that as it may, when it comes to wine, the law would disagree with you.

Ezra: I pay taxes and my rent, buy groceries, and ride in a minivan. I’ve killed people. I’m an adult.

Ava: The law has slightly different specifications than you do.

Ezra: Yes, they go by age of all things. Ridiculous.

Ava: How are you even going to get wine?

Ava: Disregard my last text.

Ezra: Fox.

Ava: Right.

Ezra: I know what you can get Lock.

Ava: If you say, “You naked with a bow,” I will throw my phone.

Ezra: If you already knew the answer, why did you ask?

Ava: I thought you might actually be helpful. Mistake.

Ezra: Why would you even think that? You’re not new.

Ava: I’ve tried everyone else. I’m desperate. Sylvie made excited screeching noises and showed me the sweater she made him. Cade refused to help, saying I needed to work it out on my own. Sid just backed away slowly. Olive said you never go wrong with a knife. You don’t even want to know what Fitz said. 

Ezra: Fitz explained some kelpie mating rituals to me the other day. I have a pretty good idea what he said, and I wouldn’t recommend any of them.

Ava: I’m drawing a complete blank. You’ve got to help me.

Ezra: What did Kat say?

Ava: Naked, with a bow.

Ezra: That’s my girl.

Ava: Screw it—I’m getting him some seeds.

Ezra: Didn’t you do that last year?

Ava: I’m not good at this!

Ezra: What will you give me if I help you?

Ava: Undying love and affection?

Ezra: I already have that. From everyone. It gets tedious after awhile.

Ava: Not for you it doesn’t.

Ezra: You’re right. It doesn’t.

Ava: Out of love for a friend?

Ezra: *laughing emoji*

Ava: Right. Fox. How about a knuckle sandwich?

Ezra: So violent, my darling.

Ava: *internally screaming*

Ezra: Okay, don’t melt your phone. Have Sylvie make me cookies.

Ava: How is that me doing you a favor?

Ezra: It’s a fox favor, giving something you didn’t have to work for.

Ava: She’s banned you from her cookies again, didn’t she?

Ezra: It’s a misunderstanding.

Ava: Sure it is. I could just make you cookies.

Ezra: No. I want to live.

Ava: I can bake. Sometimes. If I stay focused.

Ezra: You get impatient and things burn. Or you forget a key ingredient.

Ava: Fine, I’ll trick Sylvie. Now help!

Ezra: Buy him a copy of your favorite book, but don’t give it to him. 

Ava: I don’t think you understand how gifts work.

Ezra: Shush.

Ava: Sorry.

Ezra: No, you’re not.

Ava: I’m really not.

Ezra: If I may?

Ava: Please explain your non-gift genius to me.

Ezra: Instead, you’re going to read it to him. That way you get to share something important with him, something that you love, and he gets your time. Lock has feelings. That shit is important to people with feelings.

Ava: That’s…damn it, Ezra, that’s really good.

Ezra: I know.

Ava: leagues above Fitz’s suggestions of a fresh kill or a jar of my own blood.

Ezra: I’m not opening anything from him. 

Ava: Don’t worry. Sylvie helped him with his shopping.

Ezra: I’m not actually sure that’s any better. 

Ava: So, what did you get Lock?

Ezra: You really can’t guess?

Ava: …

Ava: Sparks and stars. You didn’t.

Ezra: I did.

Ava: You’re not going to show up to Cade’s naked except for a bow, are you?

Ezra: Of course not. That’s not classy. I’m classy, Ava.

Ava: Then…?

Ezra: I got him a life-sized print, matted and framed. And a body pillow. The pillow has sequins! Very tasteful. Also a keychain.

Ava: I have no words.

Ezra: It’s a joint gift to the both of you, so you’ll have matching key chains. Happy Holidays!

Ava: I’m not opening any gifts from you.

Ezra: You don’t have to! Check your keys.

Ava: Damn it, Ezra—how long has this been on my key ring?

Ezra: I’m not telling.

Ava: I hate you.

Ezra: Fox!

Ava: But you’re right, it’s actually pretty tastefully done. The rose is a nice touch.

Ezra: Everyone got key chains, but only you guys got the print and the pillow. So even when I’m not there, I’M THERE.

Ava: Everyone?

Ezra: Everyone.

Ava: Even my dad?

Ezra: I didn’t want him to feel left out.

Ava: Maybe skip the wine and just bring a bottle of bourbon...should I even ask about the drove?

Ezra: Just Sid and Ikka. I got Olive a new knife.

Ava: Well, you really can’t have too many knives.

Ezra: Right?