Thanksgiving Text Convo (Team Firebug)

Team Firebug: Day Before Thanksgiving

Ava: HELP.

Lock: Of course.

Ezra: I’ll think about it.

Lock: Ezra.

Ezra: I mean, of course. What do you need, my precious dumpling. Team Firebug!

Lock: Dial it back a little.

Ezra: No.

Lock: Why did I even ask?

Ezra: I don’t know. Sometimes it’s like you don’t even know me.

Ava: If you two lovebirds can concentrate, I still need help. 

Lock: ?

Ava: I burned the turkey.

Ezra: I have all the questions. Why are you cooking today? Why are you cooking at all? Why have you even stepped foot into Cade’s precious kitchen? WHY?

Lock: Let’s boil that down to a “why?”

Ava: Cade is cooking.

Ezra: Now I’m confused. Intrigued, but also confused.

Ava: I had one job—okay, one job and then a make-up job. I was supposed to order the turkey fresh from a local farm.

Lock: You forgot.

Ava: I forgot. So I bought a make-up turkey.

Ezra: And then you thought of me while holding it. Naturally, you burst into flames.

Lock: …

Ava: Or, I brought the turkey home exactly as I said and put it in the freezer.

Lock: I see where this is going now.

Ava: Did you know you have to defrost those things like way in advance? Especially if it’s a big turkey?

Lock: Yes.

Ezra: No, because I make other people cook for me. I just show up and look pretty and the meal arrives in due course.

Ava: You don’t even bring a snack or a drink? Like a hosting gift?

Ezra: I am the gift, dumpling. Pay attention.

Ava: ANYWAY, I tried to thaw it quickly. It…didn’t go well. Now it’s charcoal on the outside, and frozen on the inside. Like a meaty Baked Alaska.

Lock: Why did you have a big turkey anyway? Ez will be with his family. I thought it was just me, you, your dad, and Fitz. Four people. Small turkey. 

Ava: You have seen Fitz eat, right?

Ezra: I’ve seen you eat.

Ava: Are you shaming me?

Ezra: Absolutely not. It’s a thing of beauty.

Lock: I’ll go to the store. I will purchase a non-frozen turkey. Everything will be fine. If they are out of turkey, I’ll get something else. Deep breaths.

Ezra: Everyone gets their own game hens! Start a new tradition. Not everyone does the turkey thing. So, stop internally screaming, Ava.

Ava: Ezra, why are you sending me selfies of you?

Ezra: You’re upset. This will help. Since I can’t be there. 

Ava: I guess I should be grateful you didn’t send me a giant cardboard cutout of yourself.

Ezra: Who says I didn’t? Speaking of which, there should be something at your door.

Ava: I’m not opening it. In fact, I’m going to burn it.

Lock: It’s a cardboard cut-out of you, isn’t it?

Ezra: Yes! And festive. I’m wearing reindeer antlers!

Ava: Why are there so many boxes?

Ezra: Did you know that you can get throw blankets with your face on them? AND those sequin pillows?

Ava: I honestly don’t know what to say. I’m actually speechless.

Lock: Just say thank you or he’ll cry.

Ezra: It’s true. And if I don’t see the cardboard cutout when I facetime you, I’ll loud cry and it will be really off-putting and kill your festivities.

Ava: I love you, you weirdo.

Lock: I’m going to go to the store now. Need anything else while I’m there?

Ava: Kindling and lighter fluid. Do sequins burn?

Ezra: Ava! You wound me.

Ava: I’m kidding. I don’t need either of those things. I can do it on my own.

Ezra: When I loud cry sometimes I hiccup and it sounds really gross.

Lock: It’s true. I’ve seen it.

Ava: Fine. But no more cardboard cut outs! We have three already!

Ezra: It’s because you miss me. I have to do something.

Ava: It’s true. I wish it wasn’t, but it’s true.

Lock: At least it’s not another body pillow.

Ezra: I’m waiting for New Year’s. Team Firebug!